‘Twas The Night ‘Fore New iPhone

Jason explained to me how he was so excited for the iPhone 4, he felt like a giddy kid on Christmas Eve – unable to sleep, wondering what Santa Jobs had brought him.  He suggested this would make a good comic – and he’s right; for many, Christmas truly did come early this year.  So, naturally I did what I do best; rip off someone else’s hard work and change it just enough to make me seem like less of a hack.  It quickly occurred to us that this would take until the next iPhone release to draw, so we figured we’d give it to you in boring ol’ text.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: ‘Twas The Night ‘Fore New iPhone

‘Twas the night ‘fore new iPhone, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring with their Magic Mouse.

Our 3GSes were synced up with iTunes with care
In hopes IO4 would soon be placed there

The children and wife were all snug in their beds
But I couldn’t sleep; iPhones danced through my head!

My wife with her iPad and I with my Mac
It looked like the fanbois had a Kool-Aid attack

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew without Flash™
The line from Best Buy had reached me at last!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a man whose mere presence could cast out all fear

O’er the screaming Mac Faithful and the Segway of Woz
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Jobs!

As I drew in my head and was turning around
Down the chimney came Saint Jobs with a bound

He was dressed in a dickey from his chin to his neck
As he entered, they played some hipster rubbish like Beck

A bagful of iPhones he had flung on his back
And he looked like a pusher unloading some crack

His glasses, they twinkled! His turtleneck, merry!
This was the man who took my iPhone cherry

The grin on his face was drawn back in a smirk
I’ll admit, he kind of looks like an arrogant jerk

But his genius and goodness flow forth like a river!
And he looks great for a guy who just got a new liver!

He was thin as a twig and his hair was all gray
But it answered the question of “For whom I’d go gay?”

A wink of his eye and a Cease and Desist
That came from Saint Jobs filled my eyes up with mist

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
Built the World’s Greatest Phone, then turned with a jerk

Folding his arms up and wrinkling his nose
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose

He’s as good of a showman as Harry Houdini
Even though that last move was from I Dream Of Jeannie

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
“The Best Phone In The World, ’til at least tomorrow night!”